Aye, aye, capitan!

I’m paranoid I might loose these things so I made backups - www.lakanlumad.blogspot.com 

                                                                                                         – www.lakanlumad.multiply.com

                                                                                                         – www.kalteng.upd8t.com

 

Don’t read everything, its all the same anyway.

 

This is all conspiracy theory.

You wake up one morning as a fifteen year old college freshman thinking I would be an old nineteen year old in four years trying to find a job and walk up your ladder to success. You daydream of a three story house with ample gardens and a playground and a pool as well.

Then you remember being a five year old most outstanding student being given medals of Best in English, Best in Math, Best in Poem, Best in Tula, Best in Art. And you’re very proud of yourself being the man in a flock of kids except that it was somebody else’s father putting all your ribbons and medals for you.

When you we’re seven your father finally shows up and take the place you very proudly occupied – the man of the house. But it doesn’t matter you thought.

“At least I have a complete family.” Or so you thought.

You remember falling in love in the first grade, and being shy and turning red every single start of the day because you sit beside a certain Ina Karla. And her best friend – a certain Rachel, teases you.

Then the arrival of your twin siblings – a boy and a girl. They were your ray of hope. They made you happy. Only the girl would live for a year and one month, leaving your family just a few days before Christmas. You’re eight years old then. You hated god for taking away your sister at that young age. Four years later you decided to go against Nietzsche saying god is not dead, he just didn’t exist in the first place. And you decided you wanted to die by thirty five.

You remember getting into trouble and wanting to be able to see the end of world from the top of the tallest mountain. You though that everything you do is being watched like the damned life of Mara and Clara. And this was way before The Truman Show was made.

You made friends, good friends. – all of which you think understands you being of the same wavelength as you. Then you fall in love, get hurt, fall in love, get hurt, this cycle would repeat itself a couple more times and you start hating people and the government, and the society then you remember you were never really one to conform any way.

You decide you wanted to die before the age of twenty nine instead of thirty five. And remember all the things you took to be happy, to forget. You daydream, slept every chance you get until you can sleep no more.

You move out of your house and try to survive on your own, learn things other than what is thought in the academe. Only to go back where you started.

And then you say, “Oh fuck! Oh fuck!” and you remember your ex-girlfriends, all of them are probably wishing you were dead.

Then fast forward to the present, seven years later, you’re twenty two, you have a young and loving girlfriend whom you love and adore so much. You however find yourself back in the same place you were in seven years ago. Trying to survive college, only this time it’s harder since your dealing mostly with people 3-4 years your junior and they don’t quite fill the shoes of those people you were with before. And then you remember, what if somebody really is watching your every step much like a telenovela, and fucking your future just because you are part of a small circus and there really is nothing you can do but raise a finger and shout, “fuck you and this fucking conspiracy.”